Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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