I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
