You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
