I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
