Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and she was petting her beer can
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
