Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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