Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
