Duck Duck Cougar?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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