So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
