did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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