WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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