I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
