She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
