pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
