I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
