you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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