i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My pussy is not your playground.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
