If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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