I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
