I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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