instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
