im about as happy as oj after his trial
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
