I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
