You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
