dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
