you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize