Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
