its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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