mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
These tits shall not be calmed
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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