my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize