R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
3pm strippers are depressing
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
