My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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