Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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