I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
