The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
