It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
