woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
