i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
