when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
