Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
