I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize