did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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