that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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