there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
