Sponge bath it is.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Never joke about your clitoris.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
