Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
