And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
