the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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