I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
