i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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