onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
