I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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