i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
