I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
