I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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