Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
