He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
tell me about the eggs
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
