VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
