we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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