i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think your dad took our porno
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize