God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
