well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
