Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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