why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
