he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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