Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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