dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
