I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
