TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
