who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
