it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
