if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
