Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
