why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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