Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
