i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
