I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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