I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
