plz talk dirty to me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
