yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
